Opinion: My Christmas wish: No more “no problem”
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Now that the Green Bay Packers have blown the prospect of a perfect season, I can’t think of much that I want for Christmas.
Oh, well, no, that isn’t exactly true.
First, and I’m sure Santa agrees, I want people to stop calling one of his eight tiny reindeer ‘Donner’ when they recite Clement Clarke Moore’s ‘A Visit from St. Nicholas,’ aka ‘The Night Before Christmas.’ It’s ‘Donder,’ as in ‘Donder and Blitzen.’ Not ‘Donner,’ as in the Donner Party. Reindeer are not cannibals, whereas on Christmas Eve 1846, the Donner Party drew lots to see who would get killed to be served up as Christmas dinner.
Two, and this is the biggie, I want a gift that keeps on giving -– something that will be meaningful every single day.
I want people to stop saying ‘no problem’ instead of ‘’thank you.’’
‘No problem’ is what you say to me when you’ve stepped up to volunteer to do me a good turn -- like helping me pick up groceries in the parking lot when I’ve dropped the bag and sent produce sprawling all over the pavement. Here’s how it works: I thank you profusely for your trouble, and you give me a ‘no problem,’ the hipster version of ‘de nada’ or ‘don’t give it another thought.’
But:
‘Thank you’ is what you say to me when I have done you a good turn, like choosing to shop in the store where you work, putting money into the business that pays your rent, and paying for my purchases instead of shoplifting them. In turn, I respond with ‘you’re welcome,’ the courteous version of ‘de nada’ or ‘don’t give it another thought.’’
As bad as I thought the disconnected and vague ‘Have a nice day’ rejoinder was, ‘no problem’ is worse.
‘No problem’ makes you sound as if your work is such a tiresome interruption to your life, and my showing up at your cash register is another bit of nuisance, but then you’re such a good-natured dude, you’ll put up with me and my pesky $20 bills -- ‘no problem.’
Please, Santa. Make it go away. I guarantee millions will thank you for it -- no problem.
ALSO:
Ambrose Bierce, the anti-Santa
In Santa Monica, a matter of mangers
Are Christmas trees still a religious symbol?
White House Christmas cards: Signed, sealed, secular
-- Patt Morrison
