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Newspapers: Just when you thought it was safe to read the sports pages

June 8, 2011 | 11:01 am

Dee Gordon

I don't know about you, but I'm tired of scandals. From now on I'm skipping the news sections and going right to Sports.

Ah, yes. There I find Bill Dwyre's column, "At U.S. Open qualifying in Glendale, emotional swings are par for the course," which includes the heartwarming angle of a local 16-year-old qualifying for America's most prestigious golf tournament.

And speaking of youth, there's Dodger phenom Dee Gordon, called up to the big club at the tender age of 23 to be their everyday shortstop.

And how did he do in his first game? Three hits, thank you very much.

And then there's -- oh, no!

"USC is stripped of its 2004 BCS football national championship"

Curse you, Chris Dufresne!

You mean to tell me that just because USC star Reggie Bush accepted a few gifts here and there, that championship never happened? 

And what's this?

"Plaxico Burress has family, then football on his mind after nearly two years behind bars"

 From Super Bowl hero to convict? What do you mean, gun possession?

OK, American football can't be trusted. The world's game, though, is a different -- oh ...

 "FIFA corruption story won’t go away"

Curse you too, Grahame Jones! What do you mean some of the sports' officials allegedly took money in exchange for votes on future World Cup sites?

I've nothing left except baseball … 

Lenny Dykstra "Lenny Dykstra hit with drug, grand theft auto charges"

 Say it ain't so, Nails! (Although you did play for the Mets, and I never could stand those "Let’s go Mets!" chants at Dodger Stadium.) 

OK, but still, there's the glorious Stanley Cup finals in hockey, and …

"NHL's delivery of justice on hit is a day late"

What are you saying, Helene Elliott? You mean to tell me that one of Vancouver's lesser-light players delivered such a dirty check on one of Boston's best players that the Bruin had to spend the night in the hospital and will miss the rest of the playoffs?  And the league's punishment was a too-late slap on the wrist? 

Hey, if I want muggings, I'll check out Dodger Stadium's parking lot! 

There's always the the gentleman's game, though: golf.

"Tiger Woods won't play in U.S. Open because of injuries"

Uncle! Uncle!

After further review, I'm heading back to the news pages.

Yep, just as I thought: "L.A. Police Commission votes to kill red-light camera program"

So that's where the good news is hiding.

Wait a second, what's that over there, in the corner?  "Weiner's risk-taking baffled woman"

Good grief.


There go the Lakers

Pay TV's full-court press

Kobe Bryant's apology not good enough

Why Michael Brown might not have been the best pick to replace Phil Jackson

-- Paul Whitefield

Photos, from top: Dodgers shortstop Dee Gordon; former Mets outfielder Lenny Dykstra. Credits: Drew Hallowell / Getty Images; Katie Falkenberg / For The Times

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