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New rap 'Don’t Touch My Junk' almost as funny as comparing body scanners to public colonoscopies

Civil liberties activist Michael Adams strikes again with another rap. This time it's the snappy “Don’t Touch My Junk” based on John Tyner’s refusal to be scanned or searched last week at San Diego International Airport. Lyrics include such rhymes as “Lordy Lordy I declare / Big Brother's in my underwear.”

Several readers wrote in with similar sentiments in response to The Times' editorial Wednesday,  Shut up and be scanned. Comments have called the TSA’s new approach “immoral,” “expensive,” “not even effective,” “unsafe and untested” and “illegal.” One reader went so far as to compare the functionality of the new body scanners to “public colonoscopies.”

A few readers offered up some alternatives to TSA's new scan-or-search methods.  

Pay attention to who, not what

If 99% of the people have to give up their freedom and dignity to control the 1% who threaten it, the 1% have achieved their goals. The vast majority of the people who fly don't need the level of scrutiny they're currently being subjected to. But every case I can think of in which some nut tried to do something terrible, it turned out the warning signs were already there. We shouldn't be harassing everyone or profiling certain groups. We should be screening out the scary 1% who say crazy things and do crazy things, often publicly, long before they get on a plane and make national headlines. We need to pay less attention to WHAT gets on the plane and more to WHO gets on the plane.  
-- steve.elbrecht at 7:23 AM November 19, 2010

Fly naked

Everyone should fly naked, and no luggage should be allowed. All luggage and parcels would go on a separate aircraft. Maybe then we'd be safe :)  
-- scoogy at 10:15 AM November 19, 2010

Bring in the dogs

If each terminal had two bomb sniffing dogs trained to find PCTN and other contraband, then that would save each terminal roughly $200,000 per machine.
-- marijuasher at 6:05 AM November 18, 2010


For some readers, though, issues of privacy trumped radiation. Commenter caliman1717, for instance, suggested we move to China “if [we] like [our] freedoms being trampled on.”

No surprise that we were more inclined to agree with Zardoz1:

I agree with the article: shut up and be scanned.

Then when it's over, you can turn around and report to the entire world via Facebook, Twitter and YouTube, how your sacred right to privacy has been trampled upon. Along with your name, picture, birth date, hometown, occupation, religion, political affiliation, the names and photographs of all of your closest friends and relatives, and exactly where you are and what you are doing...

Or better yet, stay home and don't fly. One less angry, irrational loudmouth at the check-in line does us all a favor.


Shut up and be scanned
Plugging every aviation security hole is impossible
Can the government legally assassinate Anwar Awlaki?

-- Alexandra Le Tellier


Comments () | Archives (11)

The comments to this entry are closed.

Jeff Baugh

It is without doubt, an uncomfortable and stress inducing situation to watch a security check that involves someone running their hands over the body..every inch..of the body of a family member or loved one. Uncomfortable as well, to personally stand and have your body touched by a stranger with a badge. However...I am quite certain it was more, than a bit uncomfortable, for persons that came to work early at three prominent United States buildings, perhaps to get ahead of the day....to see a Large commercial aircraft about to fly directly into them on that fateful day. It is more than a bit uncomfortable to come to the decision that jumping from a building is better than burning to death. It was more than a bit uncomfortable to be sitting on an aircraft and see crew members throats slashed, being hi-jacked and know....that you are about to die. The great mystery is about to happen to you!! I don't know about you but I'd like to get on a plane and feel as assured as possible, that every single chance of catching a person that wants to kill other's...has been performed!!! Until we find a less intrusive way to search for things that go boom...please, take a breath and deal with this!


Here's the REAL Don't Touch My Junk theme song!


Ann Mere

I'm not going to be scanned or groped by anyone.
I'll take the train--even to NY from LA.
We need Israeli style terrorist criminal profiling, and not
this stupid stupid regime.
If you want to be oppressed, go right ahead,
but I won't.

Sue Wilson

The problem with that kind of thinking, Jeff, is that you assume the groping and naked scanning are keeping us safe. It is only theater. The TSA has already admitted that these measures wouldn't have found the bomb in the underwear bombers briefs. Further, the scanner only shows 1/10 of an inch into the body, so both the scanner and the intrusive groping will not show an explosive pushed up into a body cavity. This is an ILLUSION, Jeff. It's all about taking away our liberties in the guise of safety. You're handing the government over your 4th amendment rights. Please educate yourself.

Mitchell Young

A couple of years ago in Chicago I went through some sort of devise which was like a glass chamber. It blew air on you once you were inside; whatever happened to those -- it seems they offered more privacy and more security. I am not a chemist, but volatile chemicals would seem a must for explosions.


lori santos

BTW when I originally blogged in response to another blogger that originally said the TSA guy was poking "in my a$$" I did not compare it to a "public colonoscopy," I merely said, "oh, I almost forgot, don't forget to get your preventive colonoscopy for your better health," and likened the frisk for being in the interest of better public health as well, in the context of when considering the recent payout of millions of dollars to ground zero rescue and recovery personnel.

lori santos

Would seem if people really abhor the frisk and scan thang, could also be why they forego their preventive health maintenance and is not because they do or do not have health insurance. Perhaps this in effect is the gateway to reduce medical costs Nationwide. We should have the TSA at each and every ER in the Nation. Cannot get in unless...everywhere where money is the problem and savings is needed in Government, we could dispatch the TSA!

Joe Romo

The problem with that kind of thinking, Sue, is that you're equating the inability to detect a single threat with the inability to keep us safer. And you're conflating "safe" with "safer". No amount of anything can keep us safe but that doesn't mean we should do nothing.


While I understand your thoughts about 9/11, the hijackers didn't bring on prohibited items, nor were they explosives. The airlines and passengers have taken care of the threat of taking over an airplane. As far as explosives go...perhaps cargo should be screened if we are truly concerned about explosives. The latest threat from Al Qaeda came from cargo...not passengers.

Or maybe, at some point, we understand that security will never be fullproof and life entails some amount of risk.
Happy Thanksgiving all...flying and opting out that day!


So it's okay for agents to put their hands inside a passenger's underwear? What if that passenger is an 8 year old girl or boy?

This is insane!!

I like the dog idea. It's affordable, get's rid of the unnecessary radiation concerns as well as prevents regular Jill's, Joes and pre-teens from being molested. It will keep air travel safe and and not infringe on American's 4th Amendment rights.


The creeping expansion of Gestapo tactics in the name of security for the past few years are more intended to rationalize enhanced federal authority and condition the public to accept it than actually improve security.

KNOW your rights: From the 4th Amendment to the U.S. Constitution: "The right of the people to be secure in their persons, houses, papers, and effects, against unreasonable searches and seizures, shall not be violated, and no Warrants shall issue, but upon probable cause, supported by Oath or affirmation, and particularly describing the place to be searched, and the persons or things to be seized."



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The Opinion L.A. blog is the work of Los Angeles Times Editorial Board membersNicholas Goldberg, Robert Greene, Carla Hall, Jon Healey, Sandra Hernandez, Karin Klein, Michael McGough, Jim Newton and Dan Turner. Columnists Patt Morrison and Doyle McManus also write for the blog, as do Letters editor Paul Thornton, copy chief Paul Whitefield and senior web producer Alexandra Le Tellier.

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