Opinion: What you might be hearing if the May Day march turns sour
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Tomorrow’s May Day march may not draw record-setting numbers, but it could see the first large-scale deployment of the LAPD’s newest psi-ops gadgets. Captain Dennis H. Kato of the 77th Street Area explains that the police will be keeping in multilingual communication with crowds through the department’s new Critical Incident Utility Vehicle, or ‘Polaris,’ a sort of souped-up golf cart that will patrol the streets dispensing helpful phrases.
Even more intriguing is the handheld ‘Phraselator,’ which will provide English, Spanish, Korean and Mandarin broadcasts of more than 100 useful phrases, with a range of about half a mile. That includes not only old favorites like ‘Hands behind your back’ but some of the following:
Welcome to this event. We are here to help facilitate your First Amendment rights. If you need medical attention see a police officer. Please stay up on sidewalk. Please stay off streets. Please stay out of the trees. Please do not climb on the poles. You are on private property. Please move back into this area.
All the phraselators are in the field at the moment, but I’m hoping to get a complete list of the phrases after the march is over. Meanwhile, if you really start trouble tomorrow you may get to hear the full Dispersal Order (text available on Page 53 of this PDF), which combines the urgent, the ominous and the legalistic in a frothy brew of police power. Let’s hope it doesn’t come to that.
Further reading:
‘You’re under arrest you have the right to make one phone call or remain silent so you better shut up,’ arguably the worst Miles Davis album of all time.
Photos and information about the universal translator from the Memory Alpha, the Star Trek Wiki.